What’s in your cup?

If someone bumps into you and you spill your coffee, you don’t spill it because of the bump-you spill it because there was coffee in your cup. If there had been tea in your cup you would have spilled the tea. Whatever is inside the cup is what spills out. So when life shakes you, what you carry inside is what will spill out. (Wayne Dyer)

What are you carrying inside?

I heard this wonderful metaphor while attending an online ‘Cityside’ spiritual community service here in Chicago several months ago. It got me thinking about my clients and what we all as humans are carrying inside of us. There is this tendency for us to blame the thing that bumped into us for showing the world the things we have inside, but those things that we carry inside, ready to spill at just the right moment, are our responsibility. The jostling about is this thing we call life that we are all stuck inside. We can’t prevent being bumped into as much as we would like to believe we can. We have to focus on what is inside when we do get jostled about in life.

Being responsible for what is inside

What do I mean when I talk about what’s inside? Well, I think thats about your values. Our values are the things that are important to us. A great values exercise is to sit down with a good playlist, and jot down for 15 minutes all of the things that make a good life. Does prestige, having a pet, being active, family time, or travel mean a good life? What are the qualities you look for in a friend? How is it important for you to show up in your life? Write all of that down, narrow it down to 10. Now take a deep breath. Narrow it down to 3. Those are your core values. Now how do you really show up? You can be responsible for what is in your cup by being intentional every day for presenting these values in the way you work, play, and live.

What is your frustration tolerance?

The second part of this, is how much can you handle the jostling. There are core foundational coping skills that always set you up to have a good day. Think about what those might be. For me, it’s breathwork, journalling, exercise, and some kind of art work. This can help you tolerate frustration a lot better. Then it’s about noticing, creating a pause, and doing things to help your nervous system when you get activated. This is the stuff of a future blog, but just know for now, it is important to have a “in case of emergency” ten second go to list of things you can do when you get activated.

So for today, remember to reflect often on what is in your cup.