What causes rumination and how to calm your nervous system instead

• Are you a ruminator? Do you find yourself fixating on negative situations, going to multiple people to try to seek reassurance, and finding yourself up at night thinking about situations that worry you? Rumination is a way that your brain attempts to turn emotional and nervous system responses into problems to solve. It doesn’t seem to work though, have you ever noticed that? Sometimes when you find a solution that feels viable, it does quiet the mind for a bit. I have a client who has chronic anxiety. She has in real-time employed this strategy in my office. She settles on what she thinks is most likely to happen, whether it is painful or not to her benefit or not, she then noticeable calms down. Until next time. I have pointed out to her that this is her anxiety, but it feels like a much more preferred response then uncertainty, which is the only truth in any scenario she can come up with. The problem with this short term solution for dealing with anxiety is that if the outcome is not what she settles on, she has spent a lot of time and energy preparing herself for something that will not happen. Also, this strategy reinforces itself, it becomes something you do every time you experience anxiety. We have to get more comfortable with uncertainty.
  
  How do you stop rumination? Here are several techniques that help.

• Trace the thought back to the feeling

  If the thought is about facing a difficult coworker, identify the feeling. Am I feeling scared? resentful? Angry?

• What do I typically need when I’m feeling ________?

  You may not know the answer to this, so picture a child with that feeling standing in front of you. What would you do for the child? Pay attention to what type of soothing that child needs before you start to give them solutions. If child doesn’t work substitute pet, best friend, or sibling

• Give yourself that thing.

  Usually if you're worried, which is the rumination typical feeling, you need comfort. What ways can you give yourself soothing physical and emotional comfort? Do you need to sit in a rocking chair or take a warm bath? Do you need to remind yourself of positive feedback? While it can be tempting to seek out that comfort from others, it is much better to learn to give yourself that comfort instead. Other people may not always be available, and they may not always be able to give you what you need.

• Ask yourself if there is anything concrete you can do in this moment.

  Can you prepare more for a speech you're giving tomorrow? Can you come up with a plan for how to handle a situation that you know is going to happen? Do anything concrete that can help, but if you have done that, then tell yourself you have done all you could.

If ruminating is a chronic problem, therapy can help. If you find yourself not able to soothe yourself, sometimes it takes a trained professional to help you see yourself and your problem differently.